To Hat or not to Hat: A Critique of Female Wedding Attire

Any thoughts?

I am not a fashion blogger, I have never been a fashion blogger and I have absolutely no interest in ever becoming a fashion blogger, so this is my first (and maybe last depending on the reaction) blog on clothes. After all, I grew up on a farm wearing jeans, a t-shirt and no shoes; the first time I came into contact with 'fashion' was when I was shipped off to boarding school and even then it was only the classic public school clone uniform of Jack Wills and Abercrombie and Fitch (happy to say I haven't set foot in either of these stores for several years now). It was a weird moment in my life when I attempted to get into it, I bought the hoodie and the trackie bottoms for about £100 and I started to say 'yah' at the end of each sentence- luckily I remained a fraud and it didn't stay with me, so yeah, I'm not exactly the next fashionista.

Anyway, at some point in the last couple of years and without me realising it, my Facebook feed has become flooded with engagement announcements and wedding photos. I, ladies and gentlemen have reached THAT stage in my life, but don't worry I am hardly sitting on my bed, looking at my left hand and dreaming of Prince Charming. No, I am far more concerned about how long it will take me to see the world and how many years it will be until I can afford to get a pug puppy.  This is who I am, which probably is why I actually find it so irritating putting in so much effort for someone else's "big day" (cynic alert!), I will however, leave my cynicism of marriage for another blog post.

Finding a dress: 
So first things first, my desperate attempt to find a dress, can someone please answer the question - WHY IS EVERYTHING FLORAL? I mean I'm not against floral exactly, but I kid you not - every single 'wedding' garment has flowers on it (see above), it's the done thing apparently. Then there are the other rules that you have to follow. For example how much white is too much? Interestingly before religion got involved, and Queen Victoria wore a white dress, brides traditionally wore coloured dresses to show their status and wealth, and the bridesmaids wore white as it was considered a plain colour. Technically now, women wear it because it's the done thing, not because they are signalling their virginity and purity - I mean it's the 21st century guys, 'purity' doesn't exist - get over it! The list is endless. Sometimes it really sucks being a girl, maybe I should just buy a suit, break tradition and get it over with.

To hat or not to hat
The next thing to consider is do I have to have something on my head? After I got over my initial eye-roll at the fact that hat etiquette is a thing (only the British right?) I decided to do a bit of research into why. Turns out the tradition of women wearing hats to weddings actually dates back to when the Anglican Church required women to cover their heads in church (go figure) and has just developed into a weird fashionable tradition for British ladies. And get this, there are rules to hat etiquette, my dear friend - RULES!! Most of them are completely ridiculous but the two which make me laugh/cry a little bit are:
1- The mother of the groom should always wear a hat which is smaller than the mother of the bride
2 - The mother of the bride dictates when other ladies remove their hats and fascinators, when she has hers on - you have yours on...*cries with laughter*
To me this all seems way too outdated, the only hat I feel happy wearing is my safari hat, and something tells me that I might be a bit out of place in one of those...

The Shoes 
And here is where I fall down completely. I don't really wear heels - ever! Besides the fact that they are male invention designed to make women's legs look skinner and make it harder for them to run away, I just find them unconformable and besides they impede on my epic dancing skills.

I think I might just have to bite the bullet and find one outfit which is 'wedding worthy' and then to the unthinkable and wear it to every upcoming wedding I have.

Wish me luck!