Stress Free Flying

My sister is flying back to the UK in a couple of days time and considering the recent fire in Jomo Kenyatta International Airport I thought I might share some airport stories with you.

Every time I find myself at Heathrow Departures I always stare in wonder at all the people rushing around with no regard for anyone but themselves and laugh at the thought of them, with their clear need to be on time, constantly flying in and out of Africa. They wouldn’t cope.

I think that being a frequent flyer in Kenya, means that you learn not to stress – the flight won’t leave on time, to eat a big meal before your flight – to prevent the risk of food poisoning and if you book transport from your destination you leave at least a 2 hour gap, just in case. The flight always tends to leave at the same time and if you miss the announcement you just have to follow the lines of 15 – 25 year olds in their Kikoy trousers (vibrantly coloured trousers – a trademark of anyone who lives here) and flipflops. Easy.

When the flight doesn’t take off in time no one gets angry, tries to complain and ends up deciding that they would rather die than fly here ever again – that’s just not the way it works here. Instead people just shrug their shoulders and go back to choosing what film to watch on the entertainment system which will inevitably fail half way through the film. Do I watch something I have never seen before and hope I get to the end or should I play it safe and watch a classic?

Now usually everything is fine unless there is a problem with the plane, you get used to the inward groan when you hear “Ladies and Gentlemen, we are just waiting for the technicians to finish their work and will be on our way shortly”. Shorty meaning 1 to 3 hours.  The funniest problem happened to my mum and brother on their way to England.

“Ladies and Gentlemen we are sorry to announce that we have a puncture. Don’t worry it is just a slow one and the guys are coming”.

And thus the inward groans started. Those who knew the drill turned quickly to their inflight magazine while the poor souls who were new to the system look at their watches anxiously. Half an hour later:

“The puncture team have arrived and they are assessing the situation. We hope to be on our way shortly”

Ok so progress was being made and when the intercom turned on twenty minutes later things looked good. But amid the sounds of the newbies buckling up their seatbelts as fast as possible they heard

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we have assessed the situation and we can confirm that we have a slow puncture. Unfortunately the team has forgotten the equipment to fix it and have to go back and locate it, we should be moving in the next hour”

With all hope gone the newbies dubiously picked up their inflight magazine while the rest of the passengers turned to the hostess with orders of “Tusker Baridi”